Ok, so I drove 3 hours in the 93 degree weather with no AC in my car to do this show. I can pissd and moan but no one was holding a gun to my head, so it was all me 🙂 

My hotel was the wrong hotel as it turns out, so I was actually about 8 miles from the venue, but I managed to make it work. I probably slept 3 hours the night before as I got up at 430am to do my tan.

lets go back a second……..I got spray tanned on tuesday. I went to do nails on thursday I think, Ive confused myself. Anyway I was supposed to do a second spray but my nail salon couldnt fit me in due to the large volume of women who appeared to have a long weekend off from work for 4th of July. I proceeded to go to 3 others in which, except for the last one, were all booked.  I cannot get sprayed on a nail day…they get lotion on you and it doesnt doesnt stick….Im kinda anal about my prep !!  So after 3 and 1/2 hours, I finally got my nails done then had to train a client.  I didnt really get a natural tan this summer and got a bit of a skin cancer phobia, so i wanted two base sprays, but it didnt happen.

So now, back to New Jersey…up at 430, put on 2 coats of tanner and didnt feel quite dark enough !! Went to get make up done and she said perhaps I wasnt dark enough. Lots of ladies get jan tana sprayed at the show but its 150 bucks and I was already splurging on professional make-up and have tanned myself many many times so I thought I would be ok. Anyway, I get my make up done at six, always hate my make up face, not the make up artists fault, just feel it makes me look tranny Im sure !! Plus with a thin face and my nose I feel like an old florida hooker who has been walking in the sun too many years 🙂   She did a great job and I am terrible at fake lashes, so amen, they stuck to my lids this time because someone else did then.  

Seeing as I didnt have a hotel room in the host hotel i had to hit the athlete meeting and a friend let me use his room ( I woke him up at 645) to finish up hair and stuff, and yes…..i needed to suit up as well. Thank God for small favors !! 

So the show was a little weird for me. Ive done ohysique 3 times, 2 at national level. We went out, did individual mandatories , exited, then went on in groups of five for our “comaprisons”. No one was moved……..nothing. I was a little perplexed.  Then we all went back up and they called out 3 women, then 5 more and I knew it was all over for me at that point. A crushing blow to say the least. No pro card, no light at the end of the tunnel…….bubble burst. I took it pretty hard, even teared up a bit….then had the ” I need to quit doing this to myself” feeling.

So then you go see who wins and try to figure out what you are lacking, but sometimes a girl who beats you has zero abs and I never want to feel like I should “have to” give up the parts of me that I worked hard for the fit into a mold of what the judges are looking for. Im short waisted, long legs, big abs genetically ( I dont train them) and I can get lean without cardio. At age 44, I collect fat in my waist, so to have the smallest waist possible I need t be lean on stage or have my suit bite into soft fleshy bits on my waist. All I can do is try to be the best “me” possible”.  We all have people we prefer to look like as far as size and shape and we cannot alter our genetics . I dont think its fair to award people who simply possses small waists and wide set shoulders or hips no matter their muscularity or lack thereof.  I think an overall fit look should be awarded despite someone gentic framework. abs check, shoulder check, upper and lower balance…check,,,,know what I mean?

So why do I still compete although I dont do terribly well ? I guess its because I CAN. because part of me aspires to be homecoming queen for a day ? Perhaps.  Much of it is also for the women (and men) who felt happier when they were young and more fit….to help them know that fit doesnt end after 30 or 40 or even 50 or more in the real world, despite it ending in our societys media. We are out there, quite a few of us actually…all you have to do is look 🙂 Im not rich, Im not famous…Im a 44 year old single Mom, so whats stopping you besides belief in yourself?

Thanks for reading my ramblings fueled by 7/11 bold brew of course !!!


About Fern Assard

44 year old Professional Fitness Model, National Womens Physique Competitor, Mother or four...crazy food advocate fighting for a fitter, healthier America. Im passionate because I care :)

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